oh no..

Well tonight my life is going to change. I am going to loose people that have kinda drifted slowly away from me but I was still somewhat close to.

If that makes sense?

But I got myself into this situation.. So I guess I can't really blame anyone but myself...

On a happier note! One week and two days I will get to physically see my best friend! First time in almost 4 months!! Yay!!

Isn't he so handsome!?

asalways:) Jordyn

Take my advice...

Too much baggage?! Ha wow... K?!

Truth is.. I am just too good for you. You do nothing but put people down and make them feel like crap but then you get face to face with them and act like they are your best friend. Two faced much!?

Take my advice and look in the mirror then tell me who has too much baggage!

Sorry I have a past.. I can't change that.. Nor do I want to. It put me where I am today:)

asalways:) Jordyn

just believe...

asalways:) Jordyn

Merry Christmas To All...

It has been a fantastic day thus far! I am so blessed to have all the people in my life that I do.

We are so blessed in my family to receive all that we have. I got so many new clothes and jewelry and everything else! I couldn't have asked for a better Christmas!

I realized this year though... That I was way more excited to give all the presents that I bought instead of get the ones given to me. I like feeling accomplished and I definitely felt that this year! MW3 for 5 bucks?! Heck yes!!

Ohhhh and that one thing.. May or may not be happening. I am really happy yet so confused at the same time!! Advice?! My sister wasn't much help last night! Ha

Well I just wanted to say Merry Christmas to the Blogging world! I hope your Christmas was just as fantastic as mine was!!

Now... Where is the snow!?... and a boy to keep me warm... HMMMM

 asalways, Jordyn

life.

Sometimes... I wonder.. What am I doing with my life. I love where I am at... I think I am in a good position. I just wish I had someone to share it with. I can't help but feeling really lonely lately.

Ever since I got in my car accident..Yes I am fine.. I have found that not many people talk to me anymore. It makes me really heart broken and make my trust issues even worse.

Were they only using me for my car and to get around?

Well forget them then. After having lunch with my dear friend Nate today. I realized who my true friends are and who I really care about.

On another note... I really miss him!!! Ugh.. And I don't know if I can go to his graduation now.. Fingers Crossed. I really hope that it works out. It will be a much needed vacation. And I will be going with my Sister/Best friend. She plays both roles :) ever since I moved out we haven't been hanging out as much :( So we have a lot of catching up to do. Only 15 Days until I can actually see him and talk to him face to face. Not over a letter!! I can't even explain to you what him being gone has made me realize. I absolutely love him to death! He is one of the only people that knows everything about me and we are still the best of friends. I am really feeling like I need him right now! That is a fact of life! :/ I just don't know what to do about this certain situation... Should I pursue what I think I might want... Or should I keep a bond that is falling apart anyways. Ugh so confusing. Buuuttt I realized something. So this girl at work the other day(heaven forbid.. I might kill her. Real obnoxious she is) asks me..." So if he were to show up right now and ask you to marry him would you?!) my response... I don't really know.. I love him to death. That is no question. And I would love if things magically worked out with us.. But I don't know if it is meant to be. I just wish I was with who I was going to marry so I could stop going through all the capitol D-I-C-Ks coughcough BRADcough cough.. haha that is a story for a different time. 

Oh yeah... I moved out and live with Tiffany now. It is fantastic. I love the freedom I have here.. Yet still being with a family makes if feel more like a home. I love that my best friend is a 3 year old.. (tomorrow! Yikes!!) and I love talking to Tiff about anything and everything  because I know she is not going to judge me and she has been through a lot so she knows the best advice :) I am so Thankful for my relationship with her!

But dear Christmas time... You are supposed to have snow that comes along with your jolly spirit... I guess you forgot that this year... Along with a boy to cuddle up with during this frigid time... hmmm.. maybe sooner or later you will get it right :) hopefully sooner?






Sorry... I know lots of random things in there. I just have a lot on my mind tonight and have the slight urge to cry. Not so sure why. FML. I want someone to come play. Any takers?



xoxo-Jordynlynn

I wish everyone would realize this and get over petty issues :)

Well Well Well...

Look who is back on blogger. Ha It has been a minute.. Life has been pretty good here. Nothing too new happening. I got a new job working at Smiths in Saratoga Springs. I love it! Everyone is so nice there and I love working in the Bakery. My favorite part? I get to write on cakes!! haha. And I also work with my bestie Nicki. She is in the Service Deli so we don't technically work together together, but it is still a blast!

Other then that I have just been chilling with friends. I recently went to Skrillex. It was one of the funnest shows I have ever been too!! And on Saturday, I am going to Anberlin. I am so very excited for this. I am going with my dear friend Taylor. He is pretty cute. I will keep you updated on how things go with him :)



yes I did steal this off his facebook :)



In other news. My bestest friend Christian Dean Shupe...(I know I know... You have heard all about him in past posts... We are on good terms and back to just being best friends.) :) But he finished all his schooling!! I am so proud of him. He will be sent off to boot camp on Monday... October 10. And yes I have already cried about this. He is going to be an amazing part of the United States Marine Corps. I can't wait to see him when he gets back to see how much he has grown and changed. I will miss him so much but I know he is living one of his dreams. He has wanted to do this ever since I have known him!! Hopefully I will get the amazing opportunity in January to go out and see him graduate!! But everyone should write him lots of letters so he feels loved :) He has been an amazing part of my life and I am just so excited to see him accomplish his dreams! Luh you kid <3

My sister and I have also been getting a lot closer. She is such a strong girl and has been through so much! I am proud of were she has come in life. so far. I am really upset that she is moving though. I might cry a little. I love her so much and don't know what I would do with out that relationship :)

And that is basically the run down of my life!! OHHH and I gotta hold a baby kangaroo :) Jealous much?!

always, Jordyn Lynn

It has happened...

I am happy. I am so content with life right now. It has only taken what, 2 months from "the incident" to get here? Ha

There is a few people I want to thank that helped me get to this point.

Nickelett Sage Hutchinson. 

She is my brown girl. I love her dearly and she will always be my best friend. We have big plans in the month of September. We are moving in together ( pray we don't kill each other:))
I aspire to be like her one day. She has her head on her shoulders and knows her values and will stick by them no matter what. She is gorgeous and I envy her.

You can see how amazing she is here!


Christian Dean Shupe

As upset with him that I may be... If that makes any sense... He saved my life that day.. If he wouldn't have rushed on over... I might not be here... Now enjoying life today! He truly is a great kid. He just needs to figure things out.

Addie Alee Wimmer

Although we aren't super tizight anymore like we used to be. Which is life.. It happens right? She is still amazing and wouldn't judge a soul. She has a bright future ahead of her and I will miss her very much in fall.

Tiffany Miller

Lets be honest... She is my second mother. Knows everything about me and still loves me:) I am so thankful for all the opportunities she gives me and the adorable children of hers that I get the fantastic opportunity I get to watch them as often as I do!

My family!

They are my biggest supporters. They want nothing but happiness for me. Especially my parents. They are amazing and I don't know what I would do without them. I love them!

and last but not least...

My new friend Colby!!

He came at just the right time in my life. He is hilarious and I am so thankful for his friendship!!

K that's all.. I hope you are all just as content with life!!

Don't take it for granted... It might all end too soon.

always, Jordyn

I just don't get it...

Can anyone explain to me?!

When will people ever learn?

I have to watch all these people be in so much pain and go through all of this hurt.

I watch people put off life plans and their future and then complain about it later.

All for what? A half hour of fun?!

I said something that I may regret a little bit now to some people that are very close to me.. And to you I apologize.

I just hope that you are going to learn soon. I can't stand to see another person die. It took too big of a toll on me and it can't happen again.

I've cried too much. And gone through too much pain..

Promises don't really mean anything anymore..

I am glad that I still have the people that stick by me and that I can trust.  To you... I am truly grateful.

It's hard saying goodbye to people that you cared about for so long.. People that you never thought would let you done have... It is really upsetting. But I guess that is a part of life!

It's hard to watch the people that you love make all of these mistakes but.. they just have to learn. As much as it hurts for me to say good bye to them and just let them be.. maybe that is what it is going to take.

I just need help letting go! :(
It's gonna be really hard for me to trust anyone anymore... 

always, Jordyn

New...

I am in need of a new background..

I just get bored easy and I haven't changed it for awhile...

Anyone wanna tell me where I can get cute new backgrounds?

Anyone wanna teach me how to be a pro blogger?

That would be pretty neat :)

It's a good day.

I hope you all have a smile on your face :)

always, Jordyn

Just trying to get through life...

..... The best I can.
I'm sorry.

always,jordyn

Why?

So today has been... Well rough... This whole week has. I am sorry for all of you that read this and follow my blog. I know I complain on it... A LOT! I am just in that weird process in life transferring from this little teenage girl to being an adult.

I really am sick of just waiting. I am sick of waiting to feel good again.

I feel like one moment I will be fine and just taking life as it comes and then the next... BAM! hit with reality. I need something to get me out of this rut. I really do. I just feel like I am falling further and further into a black hole.

I love my family.. I really do. But sometimes... I just feel a little suffocated. I know it isn't their fault. I know I have a huge part in that. I just feel like I am being held back and held down. So I made the decision to leave. It wasn't just like that.. I didn't just leave... There were things that made me get to this decision.It was emotional.

So here I sit, at my place of employment... With no car... No home... And not knowing what to do. I am sick of just sitting at my house day after day thinking about things that just make me more depressed. I try to get away from that... But it just pulls me back in. Maybe I should seek professional help. But I am not all for that whole sit in front of a stranger while he picks apart your brain stuff. I even struggle with taking my medication.

I live by the quote... Everything will be okay in the end and if it's not okay. It's not the end yet.

It is just really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes. There are so many worries in life that I just can't get over. My world was taken turned upside down shaken thrown around a little bit, kicked a little bit and I am just trying to get back to normal.
What even is normal?

So for now... I feel awful. I am searching for apartments.. If you know any places that are pretty cheap let me know.. Looks like I will have to purchase a car too.. If anyone wants to sale me one for cheap let me know:) and I am just staying with friends... Lucky to have those people in my life.

I know my family will always be there. And I love them so much and I am grateful for everything that they do for me... It is just time to spread my wings and learn how to fly.

I am a strong person and I KNOW I am a strong person... This is just testing how strong.

My only question... Is why does there have to be so much contention in the world? Why must we take things so personal? I wish that we could all just live in perfect harmony... but I just that just isn't how it works huh.

On the bright side... It is summer time. I can walk places now that I don't have a car and not freeze to death. I can play outside and sit out and watch the starts late at night. I love summer and I love summer time.


I guess I will take the punches as they come... Live day to day.
Look at the beauty around me, appreciate the simple things. Hey look at it this way... I can use my longboard more often now:) I will be in great shape!

Thanks to everyone out there that loves and supports me in everything I do. I will be forever grateful to you.

Isn't this picture just beautiful. I fell in love. I can't wait to run around in the sunset. I can't wait to be free and live my life.

It's going to be okay.

Happy friday!

always, Jordyn

Quotations...

So as I have stated before... I am a quote freak.. Live my life by quotes.. Ring any bells? Anyways, I thought I would share some of my favorite quotes with y'all:) And since I have way too many quotes that I love... I am limiting myself to 5 per section...

Quotes on failure::
-Failure is only a temporary change in direction to set you straight for your next success.
-There are no failures- just experiences and your reactions to them.
-Life's real failure is when you do not realize how close you were to success when you gave up.
-I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
-To be wrong is nothing unless you continue to remember it.

Quotes on change::
-Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.
-You've chanced so much I guess that's what happens. I wish you knew how much you changed me. I wonder if I changed you, if your life is different because of me. Because mine's different. My God, you taught me so much, and now we don't even talk to each other. I guess that's what happens.
-Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.
-It really changed my life. When we split up, something changed, permanently, in me. My heart sort of broke that day, and it will never be the same.
-We are not the same persons this year as last, nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person. 

Quotes on life:: 
-Dream as if you will live forever, Live as if you'll die today. 
-To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. 
-One day your life will flash before your eyes.. Make sure it is worth watching.
-The most important things in life aren't things.
-Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see life with a clearer view again.

Quotes on friendship::
-Sometimes you put up walls not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.
-Promise me you'll always remember. You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter then you think. Christopher Robin to Pooh.
-Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.
-Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is make by the friends we choose.
-Friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families. hahaha... that one is funny




Quotes on LOVE::
-I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more then any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them every thing about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you. 
-If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.
-It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose that someone you love with your useless pride. 
-I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
-You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip.  

Well I could go on for forever. Unfortunately... the work day is over and it is time to go home! yay! 
Do any of you have favorite quotes?! If so please share! 

always, Jordyn

Looking through a new light::

Okay girls... Who can honestly listen to any Taylor Swift song and not think that she basically just knows your life?!

I fell in love with her lyrics, her music, everything.

Going through a hard time, Just put some T Swift on and you are set. She will explain any situation you are in with her beautiful voice and lyrics and you will feel better instantly!

Trust me on this one.

 I spent an hour sitting in my car yesterday with my dear friend Cade. What did we do you may ask... We listened to Taylor.

He said that sometimes he likes to picture himself as a high school girl when he listens to her. Made my day. He is a sweet kid.

After a week of crying everyday not knowing what I am doing with my life. That is exactly what I needed. It is a new day!

Sure life sucks! A lot of the time. But if you don't have those moments of complete sadness and despair then how are you going to know if you are having a moment of complete happiness?

As the great Marilyn Monroe once said,
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."


I am waiting for the better things to fall together. I am learning so much about myself through all of this. I have started to look at life a little different. It is taking sometime. I am nowhere near as happy as I was. And I am realizing that it will take some time.


Lets be honest though.. I am not a patient person... Never have been. Never will be.
I just wish that things weren't on bad terms.. That is all.


I want to thank Tiffany Miller especially... She is my mom.. well... Kinda. She has been the one person that I can talk to through all of this and she will tell me straight up how it is. I don't know what I would have done without having her there to vent to. She is amazing and she may or may not have saved my life.
Adrienne Shelley. She is my big sister... again... Kinda.... She is just a sweetheart and would do anything for anyone. I love her to pieces as well!


This is a turning point. I just need to suck it up and breath in the fresh air. Don't sulk so much on the bad and recognize and love the good and realize I can't control everything.


This post is really all over the place. but that is okay!


If you have never heard it... Go listen to the cover of Last Kiss by boyce avenue... It may or may not be better then the original. I would post the video on here.. but alas... I am at the place of work.


"We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets."-Marilyn Monroe

I may or may not love her today... Just saying.


Well that is all for now kids.. I still need to post my Disney pictures... :( I promise I will remember!

Peace out girl scout.

always, Jordyn

Success

Soooo Dinny Land was a success. I am soo very grateful that I got to go! I will post pictures and more later :)

always, Jordyn

No words can explain.

how I am feeling right now. I can't even explain the hurt I am feeling right now... and to be quite honest... Yeah call me dramatic or whatever you may... But I don't think that it is ever going to fully go away. I was in love... But some people... They feel like they need to but their heads into everyone else's business. I was happy... He was the one I wanted to be with. And to all of you that read this. Yeah go make fun of me and how dramatic our relationship was... Tell us that we aren't good for each other and we don't have a good relationship... But I hope you know that you are one of the main things that tore our relationship apart. I am so very infuriated with you... But I am going to be the bigger person about this....

I love how people are your so called friends but apparently they just can't stand to see you happy cause they plant a seed.... And that seed grows and then they end up destroying something that was so fantastic. I admit to everyone and I have before that we aren't a perfect couple. Yes as a matter of a fact we do fight... But do you know what I have to say to people in relationships that don't have arguments or disagreements.... Good luck. Cause that means that you aren't being 100 percent with your partner and they aren't being the same with you.

Yeah our relationship wasn't the best... But it was real.. I feel bad for all of you that have your fake "oh we are so happy we never fight" relationships. I really do feel for you... And as much as I hate the end of all this...I really do. I would give anything to just be back in his arms and him wiping my tears away and as much pain as I am in... I feel worse for you... I honestly do...

I lost my best friend today... I hurt worse then I have ever hurt before.... But I want him to know that if he ever reads this.... You sir are the best thing that has ever happened to me... You are so amazing in so many different ways... I knew you and you knew me better then any other person on this planet.... I really wish that this wasn't the end .... There are so many more things that I want to do and experience with you... I had such high hopes for us... And I hate the feeling that I failed you... I failed this relationship... I HATE being a failure... No other single person has caused me more pain and grief and sadness and frustration and all of that then you have... But at the same time... I have never been happier or more alive then I was with you... As I have said before.. I would take all of the bad things...I wouldn't trade them in for anything... I want to be with you so bad... I just wish it could be as simple as just wanting it...I really hope you find true happiness out there... I wish you all the best... You were my everything... I will always love you...

And to all of you that are going to go gossip about this and laugh and make fun... Go right ahead!! cause you talking behind my back just means that I am two steps ahead...

and I got the point that I should leave you alone... but we both know that I am not that strong...

always, Jordyn

45 days.

and needless to say...

I am terrified...

But on the bright side:)

136 days (give or take a few depending) until happy happy day.

and 220 days until an even happier day!!

That is all.

I'll be here next week. Don't even fret. For the first time in my entire life :)


Happy friday!

always, Jordyn

Friday is my favorite day!

Friday, Friday, Friday is my favorite day.
Monday is a bummer
Tuesday's only fair
Wednesday's gettin better.
Thursday's almost thereeeeeeee

BUTTTT Friday, Friday, Friday is my favorite day!

Now come on, who doesn't remember that song from the good old JR High days. Ohhh good times.

Wanna hear a funny story... So you know the phrase TGIF..., Thank holy man above It's Friday?! Well last week I had a realization,  I finally realized why TGI Fridays is called that... Bahaha I am a smart one! Come on admit it... You just had that realization too :)

Happy friday everyone!

always, Jordyn

Sunshine!!

Today I woke up and the weirdest thing happened, I had a smile on my face. Weird. I never wake up smiling. I don't even know what I dreamed about. It could have been a horrible thing or a fantastic thing. Who really knows?!

Anyways I woke up smiling because the sun was shining through my window. I knew it was gonna be a good day from then on.

I love the sun. I can't even explained how much I have missed it! Wearing shorts, no jacket, prolly the best thing that this world has to offer.

What a different it makes with waking up with a smile on your face. It is gonna be a good day.

And chili's tonight! I miss the crady's.

Did you wake up with a smile on your face?!

happy Thursday.

always, Jordyn

Bieber Fever

So you see there is this young man. His name is Justin Bieber. He has this movie that is called Never Say Never. It is pretty much amazing. I guess you could say that I am one of those crazy girls that has Bieber Fever.

Well you see I know this adorable girl. Her name is Breelle Miller. She is the most spazmatic 6 year old you will ever meet. She is so adorable and I love her to pieces. Well you see she wanted to see the Justin Bieber movie. Her mom on the other hand... Not so much. So I volunteered to take her. Gladly I did this task. I will see that movie a thousand times. Okay, so maybe not a thousand. Ha. She was very excited.

Well I asked Christian if he would like to come with us. His response at first, no. Of course, I expected nothing different then that. Then I kept begging and said think of what everyone will say. They will say awe look how cute her boyfriend is going to see Justin Bieber with her. He then said they'll say look at how gay that kid looks... well I kept begging some more, and he gave in :) he said that he would attend this fabulous movie with Bree and I. He of course complained through the whole thing being upset that he wasn't famous. But that is okay. He still went. We have this little thing going. I always tell him to prove that he loves me. Just kiddin around. Well he did it. He proved that he truly does love me :) Thanks babe.

I think I will keep him. He is a superstar in my eyes.

always,Jordyn

Life.

Life is a beautiful thing.

Sorry about the last post. I was having issues. I just need to take a step back and see that life truly  is an amazing thing.
A lot of us are extremely lucky to live the lives that we do. If you take a step back and listen to some of the things that you are complaining about they are so small in comparison to a lot of the world issues.

I know.. God knows us better then we know ourselves so he only gives us things that he knows that we can handle. I have comfort in this. Knowing that at least someone has faith that I can get through my problems. But still, I feel like my issues are so small in comparison to things like the holocaust, starving to death in a 3rd world country, not having clean clothes or shoes, not having a job, not having a family and a boyfriend that loves and cares about me.

I am truly blessed with my life. No matter how down I get sometimes I need to realize that life is beautiful and I am loved and I am one lucky girl.

always, Jordyn

Sigh...

Excuse me while I have a pity party.. K thanks.

I just don't know what is up lately.. I am up then I am down then I am really down then I am really up... I am talking about my mood here kids.

I let others effect my mood way too much. A big culprit...The boy..  I don't know what it is but so many things are driving me insane lately... Like today for example... I asked him to go to breakfast with me and he said he was going to the assembly, first of all, when has he ever gone to an assembly? Then sarcastically I was like you never want to spend time with me, his response you may ask? I am at school and then walked away. Yeah for those of you that know him... When has that ever mattered. Especially during an assembly. I know he needs to be focused on graduation and not me but I like to feel important too. I am a hopeless romantic and he is far from it. I want a boy that will show up on my door step in the middle of a fight to apologize and say that I am the best thing that has happened to him and he stays away when we fight. I want flowers for no reason a hand written letter with him telling me that he loves me.. I don't know cute things like that. Now don't get me wrong. I still love him to death. He is amazing and I wouldn't trade him in. But I don't know.. I just wish I was a little more important in his life. Like any girl wants to feel right? He is just different lately.. and not a good different. But I am putting a lot of blame on him.. I could be a huge part of this as well. I just have gotten to the point where I feel like I am pushing and pushing for something that he is just over. I wish he would just tell me already so I can stop going insane! But his focus needs to be on school. On graduating on time. I need to realize this. GAHH

And work. Oh! don't even get me started. So I work at a call center right. and I let ornery ignorant people on the other line effect me. They don't know me. They don't know what kind of day I am having. I let them effect the rest of my day way too often. I need to fix that.

I am in charge of me... I need to figure out how to control my feelings a little better. Maybe just stay bottled up. I won't bug anyone with my silly issues anymore.

Well thank you for reading my awesome sob story :) much appreciated.

I hope your day goes better then mine does!! :)

On the bright side.. It is Thursday. And I am going to the tulip festival today!! Even if my boyfriend bails on me..I will go with my bestie or my sister :) And also that means that tomorrow is FRIDAY!!

-Jordyn

A day in the life.

So today... Hmmm what is going on you may wonder?

Well here I sit at work. Trying to figure out what to blog about today. So I was like huh... I bet everyone would like to know what I am planning on doing today.

Well once I get off of work... (can this next 55 minutes be any faster?!) I will go to my dear banking center. How blessed am I to have money? :)

I will then go to my home and probably clean my car. It is really dirty... Kinda sad. I need to take better care of my car. Nuff said. Oh! and hopefully Christian will come play with me for a little bit. That would be nice.

Then hopefully... fingers crossed everyone... I will get my i Phone!! I am so excited I can hardly contain it. Conditions of me having it: I have to go deposit the $30 extra a month that it will cost into my momma's bank account, I have to pay to get the phone itself, and finally I have to put a years worth of payment in the safe in case I get out of work and can't afford to pay the monthly fee. Done and done.

I am hoping that this is how my day goes. It would be super stellar and pretty neat.

I will keep you posted :)

-Jordyn

Frustration

So there are a few things that frustrate me.


It frustrates me how he will take a situation and turn it around to have a pity party on himself. Just let someone else feel bad for 5 seconds.

It frustrates me how he will turn anything around to be someone elses' fault. Take the blame.

It frustrates me how he complains about so many different aspects of his life but yet he isn't willing to change anything that he is complaining about.

It frustrates me how he can't find the time to talk to me when he knows I am having a really crappy day and all I need is my best friend.

 It frustrates me that it turned around to being my fault.- see point 2-

It frustrates me that he changes his mood so fast. I don't know how to keep up.

It frustrates me that when we are both upset we can't have a civilized conversation. Everything is screaming and fighting. We can't just work through our problems.

It frustrates me that he thinks a simple I am sorry is going to fix everything. Sorry doesn't mean a thing anymore.

It frustrates me that when I am out with friends he gets all upset cause I am having fun with people other then him but he can go out and have a good time without me?

There really are so many more things that frustrate me.

I know I know, that sounds awful. But these are also the reasons I love him very much too. I wouldn't trade all of these bad things for a million good things. Sure he has stuff to work on, but I do too. I love this boy. I wouldn't trade him for anything. :)

-JordynLynn

Miley Cyrus.

So here I sit at work... I ask, what should I write about. My dear friend James tells me Miley Cyrus. Alright? I am up for the challenge!

So I am not gonna lie. There are moments that I love Miley, Like the TV show Hannah Montana, Yes, I have seen every episode. The Hannah Montana Movie, I cry every time :) Some of her music.  The Last song. One of my favorites.

But then there are her off times. Like smoking a bong? alright? And I can't be tamed. Wtf Miley. Dating Liam Hemsworth. That is only off cause he is a sessy man and I would have like him. :)

Yeah I don't know what else to say?

What are your thoughts on Miley?!

-Jordyn

RIP Daddy.

Kent Rowland
1964 ~ 2011
Kent Rowland was born 6-25-1964 to Dean & Maxine Rowland, Kent reunited with his parents and one sister Kathy on 4-6-2011.

Kent is survived by his 3 children, Wade, Jordyn and Erin Rowland, Siblings: Debbie (Randy) Hansen, Rick (Paula) Rowland, and Carrie (Ed) Pruitt. And his companion, Tiffany Duvall.

Services will be held Friday 4-15-2011 at the American Fork North Stake Center at 11 am. 975 North 60 East American Fork UT. Friends may call 1 hour prior to service.

Internment will be held at Pleasant Grove cemetery under the direction of Anderson and Sons.

This Ladies and gentlemen, would be my father. We just held his funeral on Friday. It went pretty good. I had a ton of support from friends and family and I don't think I will ever to be able to thank them enough. 

Everyone that knows me knows that, well... I didn't have the best relationship with my dad. He made some life decisions that I didn't particularly agree with. So,  I kept my distance. To keep me from getting hurt.

Now that it is all said and done, sometimes I regret not having a little bit better of a relationship. But I guess everything happens for a reason right? I could have tried better though... All those times I went to pick my sister up I could have went inside and said hello. 

What's done is done now... There is no turning back. This has taught me a very important life lesson. To tell the people you love that you love them dearly. More then just once every few months. Live every day to the fullest cause one day, without any notice or caution, it can end.

Dear dad, 

I am thankful for all that you taught me in the times we spent together. You were a little girls hero once upon a time. I am sorry for being such a brat a lot of the time. I really do love you and I hope you know that. I believe that you are in a better place now free from your pain and sorrow. I know you loved us three kids more then any other thing in this world, even if you found difficulty in showing it sometimes. I know that I will see you again someday and I honestly can't wait for that day. To see you in a pure state. Like I remember when I was little. You taught me how to fish the river, shoot a paintball gun, that cool finger trick that kills!, you showed me what kind of parent that I want to be in a weird round about way. You showed me how to care. You should me a little bit how to work on cars. You were always a great mechanic. Though you were not perfect, though nobody really is, I still loved you. Still love you. Even though I didn't show it, or say it all the time. Most importantly of all, and I am sad that it took your death to teach me this, You showed me how to forgive. Not to hold a grudge. Daddy, I forgive you. I'll be seeing you soon. 

Love, Your little girl, Jordyn lynn

And Finally... One last thought...

One last thought..
wow... It has been one long month... haha 

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

- Groucho Marx

You never truly know when life is going to end. Something could happen and it could be brought to a halt tomorrow. Don't wait. Don't wait to tell the people you love that you love them. Don't wait to do the things that you really want to do. Don't hesitate to take thousands of pictures. We must cherish every day that we have on this earth. Why waste time being sad and upset about things when there is sooo much more to be happy about. I know, I know, it is hard to always be happy. When you are sad you get in a slump and you just want to have a pitty party. But I have come to the realization, what's the point? If you don't like something about your life or yourself, change it! Starting today... Live a happier more full life. Don't regret a single thing when you die. 

                                                                                                                                          always, Jordyn

Day 29:: My biggest aspirations

Sorry it has been awhile. It has been a crazy last couple of days. My dad just recently passed away so we have been trying to figure out everything with that.

My aspirations though... hmmm

To make something out of myself.
To make the people that I leave behind proud of what I was and what I did with my life.
I want to die of old age, knowing my grand children and hopefully great grandchildren and getting to see them grow.
I want to be happy with my life. 

I really regret the fact that I didn't really have a chance to know my father. He had a disease, it made it hard for me to get to know him. He is my father none the less and I still loved him. It makes me sad that he had to go the way he went. But his suffering is over. He is in a better place now. I just wish he wouldn't have left so much drama behind. :)

I love you dad. I hope that you are doing better now. You will be missed.

Day 28:: A new dream.

Well you see, I don't really know...

Bad? Probably!

I met with my good friend Nate yesterday. He is pretty much a genius. Love that kid like a brother. So he was helping me out with some options. I was gonna go to UVU for elementary education. Take some sociology courses and things would be dandy right? Well minus the large amounts of money that I would have to pay :(

So he then explained to me the Salt Lake Community College or SLCC option. It would be 3 thousand dollars cheaper in the course of two years. That is A LOT of money. So I think I am going to go with this option.

I am still doing some pre- education stuff and getting my associates there, then transferring over to UVU. Well maybe... We'll see if that changes :)

-Jordyn

Day 2.7.- A picture.

Isn't this just beautiful?! I love love love sunsets. They are just so peaceful to sit there and watch. Especially on a warm summer day.

Just knowing that the day is over and a new one is about to begin.

It makes me to happy. I am so blessed to live where I live. We have some gorgeous sunsets here in Utah. Thanks to the gorgeous mountains.

But that is all. I thought I would just share my love of sunsets :)

-Jordyn

Number 26:: Something new.

Hmmm... What new have I tried...

There are so many things that I WANT to try... (see bucket list)
But what have I done lately that is new... That I have tried just for the heck of it..

OH OH OH!!

I Know!!

I have tried to just be more positive lately. I used to be so negative about every situation and everything sucked and meow meow meow. But then  I decided that why? Why should everything suck. Why can't I make a negative situation into a better one. A more positive one. One that I would enjoy more.

And I am not gonna lie.. it is HARD. I think anyone would agree with me that trying not to let the bad things effect you is a difficult thing. But with a little practice... I will be a pro soon :)

-Jord

Day 25:: Something I regret

Well you see.. I don't really have regrets.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. No matter what.
But if I had to say... I regret saying good bye.


Hard to say:: The Used

The singer finished singing and she's walking out
The singer sheds a tear fear of falling out
And it's hard to say how I feel today
For years gone by, and I cried

It's hard to say that I was wrong
It's hard to say I miss you
Since you've been gone it's not the same

My worries weighed the world how I used to be
And everything (I'm cold) seems a plague in me
And it's hard to say how I feel today
For years gone by, and I cried

It's hard to say that I was wrong
It's hard to say I miss you
Since you've been gone it's not the same

It's hard to say I held my tongue
It's hard to say if only
Since you've been gone it's not the same

Worse than the fear it's the lie you told a thousand times before
Worse than the fear it's the knife
And it's hard to say how I feel today
For years gone by, and I cried

It's hard to say that I was wrong
It's hard to say I miss you
Since you've been gone it's not the same
It's hard to say I held my tongue
It's hard to say if only
Since you've been gone I'm not the same

It's hard to say that I was wrong
(God, it's hard to say)
It's hard to say that I miss you
(God, it's hard to say)
Since you've been gone
I'm not the same

-Jordyn

This is day 24:: What I ate today..

Well so far I have eaten a bean burrito 

with some scrumptious fries

and a dr. pepper.

From taco amigo

Yum

-Jord

and with that...

I have more...


When you can sit and talk for hours about nothing and not get bored.
There is that silence but you feel comfortable in it cause being in their presence is just enough.
When you can sit there and pop all the gross things on each others backs and not think it is gross :)
He calls you beautiful and gorgeous instead of hot or sexy.
It's when he calls you back when you hang up on him in the middle of a fight.
Love is when he will stay awake just to see you sleep, and I promise that isn't creepy.
It's when he kisses your forehead or a slight peck on the cheek.
It's not having to constantly remind each other how much you love each other cause you just know.. Even though it is nice to hear it still.
It is calling someone your best friend.. AND your significant other.
It's being able to work through issues together and become stronger from it.
It's calling each other when the other one falls asleep cause you don't want him to go to bed yet cause you still want to keep talking to him.
It's being proud of her when she runs all the way to the park with out even stopping once. But only with your encouragement did she make it.
It is the soft saying that only you two can hear.
It is having so many inside jokes and everyone being confused as you pee your pants laughing.
It's spraying a teddy bear with our perfume/cologne and passing her back and forth.
It's about helping each other over come our trials.
It's hiding her from scary things as you hold her through the haunted Forrest.
It is hating the music she listens to but still letting her listen to it in the car because you know it will make her happy.
It is about putting the other before yourself and making sure they are okay before you are.
It's about letting go cause you know that's what is best for him...

-Jordynlynn

and remember how I said rejection was one of my biggest fears... well... REJECTED...

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

Day 23:: The definition of Love

love/lʌv/ Show Spelled [luhv] Definition from the internet

–noun

1.a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2.a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3.sexual passion or desire.

4.a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

–verb (used with object)

5.to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.

6.to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).

7.to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music

Definition from Jordyn::

 Love... What a silly word...
 
Wanting to be with each other all the time.
Not caring what everyone else thinks.
Butterflies in your tummy every time he kisses you.
Not just every time he kisses you but every touch by him.
Knowing each others imperfections  and still seeing each other perfectly.
Knowing every little detail about each other and yet are still fascinated by everything they tell you.
Wanting to dress up all pretty for him but being okay just being in your sweats as well.

Him thinking you're beautiful even with no make up on and your hair on top of your head.

Being able to laugh at each other but at the same time knowing how to be serious as well. 

Saving cute little texts that are just super cheesy.

Being able to express your feelings and even if they don't fully comprehend they still sit there and comfort you and tell you that it is going to be okay and you aren't silly for feeling how you are feeling.

When they call you or text you, you get so excited to see their name and you get those butterflies that I was talking about before.

Really getting to know everything about them and loving every flaw and forgiving every mistake. 

Being in a silly little fight and kissing and making up in five minutes. 

Being there for each other no matter what... no questions asked. 

And this ladies and gentlemen... Is what I believe love is. 

<3/Jordynlynn