Leap into the unknown.

You see everyone has this journey they are taking. It is called life. And during life you have to take these steps... or leaps.. (depending on how large it is to you) into the.... unknown. I have this leap that I have to take. Well I guess not have to. But I must choose... And I am terrified. It is pushing the boundries of my comfort zone more then I ever have. Making a pro and con list? Way to minor for this decision. I guess it helps. And it is also comforting knowing that I have another year to be set on a decision. So hopefully by then I will just know.. And it will be an easy decision. Sure it would be AMAZING. But at the same time... I don't know what to do!! Gah. So I guess.... "the key to change... Is to let go of fear." I need to let go :)

Oh! and p.s. I have my best friend back :) Luckiest girl on the planet. that is all.

Jordyn Lynn

Sorrow.

So you see, there is this boy, and the way that he laughs makes me smile, and the way that he talks gives me butterflies & just everything about him makes me happy.

Well that is how it used to be I guess. I try to be positive about situations. It is true. But this one is just hard. This boy above would be Christian Dean Shupe. My boyfriend of almost 5 months. You may say that isn't long enough for someone to fall in love but, I was head over hills for this boy. I loved him. Still do.  I know I had my flaws and I may not had been perfect, but I believed that we were there for eachother through alot of stuff. I just wish that he felt the same..

You may call us stupid. Cause well at times we were. But we talked about having a future together. Maybe being together forever or something like that? I guess that things change? We talked about him going off to bootcamp (he is a marine and he is going to be amazing!) and then coming home and I would be waiting for him. We talked about maybe starting a family together and how we would be there with and for eachother through everything in the future.

"Having the love of your life break up with you and say we can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom say you can still keep him"

We have been friends for the longest time! It was bound to happen everyone says. I mean us falling in love. We tried it once.. It wasn't the right time. We met back in the 11th grade, well he was in 10th. Yes I am older then him. We met through a mutual friend. We became really good friends instantly. Well as life moved on we dated this one time... Like I said before... Wasn't the right time. But this second time I think it was meant to be. As stupid and cheesy as that is. It started on August 7th, 2010. Warped Tour. I don't know how to explain it. Something just clicked. But you see.. There were some... complications.... But we worked most of them out. It became official August 27, 2010. The day of his EP release. What a good day for him right? And things just went from there. Yes I am giving you a  bio of our entire relationship. :) And today... Out of nowhere.. It ended. I am not only loosing my boyfriend... I am also loosing my best friend. My everything. I feel lost and empty. I don't know what to do. As I sat and just cried tonight, It didn't hurt that bad, because I think that part of me knows that this isn't the end. It can't be. Not like this. But I guess we don't know what the future brings. The future is hazzy.

So for now... this is goodbye. Goodbyes are always hard.

"Yes I love him. I love him more than anything else in this world and there is nothign that I would like better than to hold on to him forever. But I know it's not for the best. So no matter how much my heart is going to break, I've got to let him go so he can know just how much I love him. Maybe if I'm lucky, he'll come back, but if not, I can make it through this."

  

I miss the lips that made me fly

Dear, ................

You tend to RUIN my day without even knowing it.

"This will be the first time in a week that I'll talk to you and I can't speak. It's been 3 whole days since I've had sleep cause I dream of her his lips on your cheek, and I got the point that I should leave you alone but we both know that I'm not that strong, I miss the lips that made me fly."

Thats all.

Joys Of Life

So I have this nephew... Well he is pretty much my nephew. Brothers girlfriends little boy... too complicated to say. So here he sits next to me on this fine sunday evening, and I ask him what I should write about today. His response: Himself. Haha. Keep in mind. He is 4 years old. He is a spaz, and sometimes can get on your nerves, but he is always the life of the party. He is one of my joys of life.

So story time. Here we sit eating dinner tonight. He pounds his knife on the table to get everyones attention. We all say what do you want Jonny? His response: I  love you guys! Then he says. I love you mom. She of course says I love you too. He then says I love you Wade. His response: silence. Jonny is just too cute he then says: He is too nervous to say it back. Hahaha he's responses are always so funny! Even though I want to pull my hair out sometimes, I couldn't imagine life without him. Well to close this post I am going to tell you some of his jokes.

Why did the white cow fell in the mud? Why? I don't know.
Knock Knock. Who's There? A boo boo chicken. A boo chicken who? It's just a boo boo chicken
Why did the boo boo chicken go  in the mud? Why? I don't know.

Needless to say... This boy cracks me up.

Reasons for everything.

So as I have said before, I am a quote fanatic. I basically live by quotes. It gets kinda bad sometimes! But recently, since it is the new year, I have been reading a lot about moving on. I am the type of person that holds grudges and lives in the past. I get hurt a lot because of this. Just recently a very good friend of mine told me that if I live in the past, everyone will move on without me. How true is that?! I don't want to be left behind by the people I love to hold on to things that shouldn't matter anymore. It has become my addiction. You see I came up with a really good analogy the other day. I am quite proud of myself I must say. I have this addiction.. It is like a drug that I just can't get rid of. Well I have decided that this year is my "rehab year" it is my year of moving on, and as much as I hate it and don't want to do it... forgetting. People say, well you will always have memories... but memories are what hurt the most.. sometimes I wish I had amnesia... it would be so much easier to forget right?! But what has happened has happened. This year WILL be good. I am going to do things for me. Not for others. It is time for that. It only took me 18 and a half years :) But I guess we will just have to see how it goes. I am a caterpiller... slowly turning into a butterflly!

This quote really hit me. because it is so true....

"Letting go doesn't mean giving up... it means moving on. It is one of the hardest things a person can do. Starting at birth, we grasp on to anything we can get our hands on, and hold on as if we will cease to exist when we let go. We feel that letting go is giving up, quitting, and that as we all know is cowardly. But as we grow older we are forced to change our way of thinking. We are forced to realize that letting go means accepting things that cannot be. It means maturing and moving on, no matter how hard you have to fight yourself to do so."